Google the lyrics of Lily Allen's 'I Could Say' and you will be reading my mind right now, except I will always be here for you, I will always have feelings for you and you were never the chip on my shoulder. Even though you haven't let me down tonight, I feel like you have, but maybe it isn't that, maybe it's the same thought, the cycle continuing, my brain reminding me that I fucked this up for us? Well, maybe not us, just me.
I am leaving tomorrow, and YES I know it's only 40 odd minutes away, but even if I lived next door to you, we would be a world apart. If a ten minute journey is too much effort for you, I know that an extra half an hour will not be appealing. I hate this self-indulgent, selfish, shitty writing that I always do. But it's all I can write now, because I did, I still do and I will ALWAYS hate myself for what I have done. One stupid mistake, and it is still tearing me up inside. I'd love to say that from tomorrow a new start will appear, and I will be able to move on and remember the good times, but I know, deep in my heart, that this will never be true. I will always hate myself for this, and although I hate to admit it, I will always have feelings for you.
You will always be the chip on my shoulder, because I love you.
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