I Could Say

Google the lyrics of Lily Allen's 'I Could Say' and you will be reading my mind right now, except I will always be here for you, I will always have feelings for you and you were never the chip on my shoulder. Even though you haven't let me down tonight, I feel like you have, but maybe it isn't that, maybe it's the same thought, the cycle continuing, my brain reminding me that I fucked this up for us? Well, maybe not us, just me.
I am leaving tomorrow, and YES I know it's only 40 odd minutes away, but even if I lived next door to you, we would be a world apart. If a ten minute journey is too much effort for you, I know that an extra half an hour will not be appealing. I hate this self-indulgent, selfish, shitty writing that I always do. But it's all I can write now, because I did, I still do and I will ALWAYS hate myself for what I have done. One stupid mistake, and it is still tearing me up inside. I'd love to say that from tomorrow a new start will appear, and I will be able to move on and remember the good times, but I know, deep in my heart, that this will never be true. I will always hate myself for this, and although I hate to admit it, I will always have feelings for you.

You will always be the chip on my shoulder, because I love you.

The times they are a'changin

At the moment, my life consists of sleep, coffee, junk food, computer games and copious amounts of alcohol. But in just over a week, I'll be moving to a new scene, true it's only 45 minutes up the road, but it'll all be new regardless. But this blog finds me wondering, will it all really be as different as I am hoping it will be? Truth be told, I have put the whole university experience on a pedestal, as a lot of people have I guess, and I know I will be completely gutted if it isn't as amazing as I want it to be. A lot has changed over the past year, not just for me, but for a lot of people around me, and I know university will be another massive change to take into consideration.

But is it really going to change everything that much? Or will it simply be a change of scenery with the same old stale coffee and crap computer games?

Number One.

"God Only Knows", bit of a crap title for a blog, surely it should be something lyrical or something that represents me as a person. But no, "God Only Knows" shall be the title of the wonderous musings of my mind, because God only knows where my wandering mind may take us.