my heart isn't at home now, would you call back in a day or two, when i'm feeling up to opening doors, but from now i'll take long walks down these broken avenues. did i ever show you all the things that make me feel alive? no i never told you and for that i apologise
it's so strange, how being at home for even a few hours, can completely screw you up. home is meant to be a happy place, 'home is where the heart is' right? no. because it's not. i hate this place. more than i thought was possible. even though my heart is here, left with that one person, i can't love this place, like it, can't even tolerate it. because i know the truth, that this love that is still fucking tormenting me, is, and always will be unrequited.
such is this that i say, fuck my life.
i really can not be fucked.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Brand New Eyes
and the worst part is before it gets any better we're headed for a cliff, and in the free fall i will realise i'm better off when i hit the bottom
What happens when you see everything with a new vision, when the proverbial clouds clear, the sun shines brightly on you, only you, and you can really see, for the first time ever, the real you. Do you back into the shadows, scared to admit to the truth? Or do you brave the light in your eyes, and face the truth like you should?
Most people would like to think they'd accept the truth, embrace it even, but the truth in this, is that we are all cowards. We don't like it when someone else is right and we are wrong, we don't like to find out the real us, because most of the time, the picture painted is pretty shitty.
Putting cliches aside, if possible, the light has broken through the clouds and hit me smack bang in the face, and fuck it hurts. Yes, the truth hurts. And in this case, I can only embrace it, I've accepted it, but acceptance is not going to help me here. Hinder is all it can do. But if I back away from this truth, that'll be me being untrue to myself right, 'cos I used to back away, when I wasn't showing my true colours.
So where do I go from here, when I've woken up to realise that the real me is the person I hated not so long ago. The person I always swore I would never be. This discovery is not going to help, because no matter what I do, I'm going against myself. So here goes nothing, I guess I'll just play up to it, be the person I guess I really am.
So what if I don't like that person, I guess I never did anyway.
We all learn to make mistakes and run from them with no direction, we'll run from them with no conviction. I'm just one of those ghosts, travelling endlessly, don't need no roads, in fact they follow me. And we just go in circles, but now I'm told that this is life, that pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it. Would someone care to classify, a broken heart, a twisted mind, so I can find someone to rely on, and run to them full speed ahead. We are just misguided ghosts, travelling endlessly.
What happens when you see everything with a new vision, when the proverbial clouds clear, the sun shines brightly on you, only you, and you can really see, for the first time ever, the real you. Do you back into the shadows, scared to admit to the truth? Or do you brave the light in your eyes, and face the truth like you should?
Most people would like to think they'd accept the truth, embrace it even, but the truth in this, is that we are all cowards. We don't like it when someone else is right and we are wrong, we don't like to find out the real us, because most of the time, the picture painted is pretty shitty.
Putting cliches aside, if possible, the light has broken through the clouds and hit me smack bang in the face, and fuck it hurts. Yes, the truth hurts. And in this case, I can only embrace it, I've accepted it, but acceptance is not going to help me here. Hinder is all it can do. But if I back away from this truth, that'll be me being untrue to myself right, 'cos I used to back away, when I wasn't showing my true colours.
So where do I go from here, when I've woken up to realise that the real me is the person I hated not so long ago. The person I always swore I would never be. This discovery is not going to help, because no matter what I do, I'm going against myself. So here goes nothing, I guess I'll just play up to it, be the person I guess I really am.
So what if I don't like that person, I guess I never did anyway.
We all learn to make mistakes and run from them with no direction, we'll run from them with no conviction. I'm just one of those ghosts, travelling endlessly, don't need no roads, in fact they follow me. And we just go in circles, but now I'm told that this is life, that pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it. Would someone care to classify, a broken heart, a twisted mind, so I can find someone to rely on, and run to them full speed ahead. We are just misguided ghosts, travelling endlessly.
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